league of maidens

League Of Maidens Is an ARPG With Serious Backbone

What if boobs?

League of Maidens is an upcoming free-to-play action RPG in which you control your very own superpowered character as they take on hordes of enemies. The gameplay looks like a weird hybrid of Earth Defence Force and Saints Row 4, which is no bad thing. There’s always a lot of joy to be found in pure power fantasies; it’s what most games are good at, after all. I mean, it’s what most media is built on now; there’s a reason people love comics and the blockbuster films associated with them.

However, if you look at the image above, the one of a mech suit next to a futuristic-looking bike, you’d be forgiven for thinking that this game is just about the action. A large part of this small indie project is dedicated to the characters you play as; both the customisation and the posing and photo mode of said characters. Which, well, look:

I’m not here to say that boobs shouldn’t be in video games, that’s not my point. I do think that this is a little over-the-top though. I want you to imagine carrying around a box using only your lower back, just glue two 5kg weights to the front of your chest and have them stick out. Now, go for a run, or a walk, or stand up for any length of time. You should notice that your lower back starts to hurt. The idea that you could somehow fight evil with that is a little silly to me. It also detracts from what looks like a pretty interesting game. Again, I’m not saying to change it, if you want to be the epitome of horny on main, then more power to you. It’s just a little too much, you know?

The actual level of detail in the character customisation sounds great, and everybody loves spending hours upon hours fine-tuning absolutely everything about their in-game avatar, but does it need to be this gratuitous really? Maybe I’m just getting old and grumpy, but I like to think that games can be sold on more than just two enormous scoops of human flesh. Yes, that was the worst possible way I could think of phrasing it, and no, I’m not sorry.